tag:www.beckenham.id.au,2007://5/tag:scrambler.chopdesign.com,2004://5.165- Comments for Christmas Eve I was just another expat in Shanghai Movable Type 4.01 tag:scrambler.chopdesign.com,2004://5.165 2004-12-23T21:44:12Z 2007-11-02T07:23:48Z Christmas Eve It's Christmas Eve here at KD. It is a surreal feeling I'm experiencing at the moment. Strangely, despite a clear and accurate recollection of past 12 months (OK, excluding a few alcohol-influenced occasions), I still feel as though it has... Tim http://www.beckenham.id.au It's Christmas Eve here at KD. It is a surreal feeling I'm experiencing at the moment. Strangely, despite a clear and accurate recollection of past 12 months (OK, excluding a few alcohol-influenced occasions), I still feel as though it has snuck up on me. Not in the sense that I didn't see it coming. More so about what this time of year represents. I think most people would agree that the December/New Year Silly Season is one of initial shock (yep, its that time of year), followed by frantic preparations for Christmas parties & arranging face-time with friends & family. This culminates on the big day of feasting, ruing the feasting, and eating prawns. And of course, not forgetting the pseudo-holiday time between Christmas & the New Year - where almost nothing gets done, or its is performed at a half-arsed rate.

I feel pretty dettached from this whole escapade right now. No, I'm not being a total scrooge or trying to bring people down around me - but I don't feel it. Yeah, I am feeling isolated from this part of the year (& yes, I'm really aware of my dismissive tone) So that's prompted me to think a little more deeply about why this is so.

]]> This year has been one of gradual change for me. There are certainly things that haven't changed for the better (re: PhuD) but others where things have turned out quite nicely (re: [gf], Magnetic Island, A&D return, Job Offer).

What is common to me & almost everyone I've talked to about the December-January Silly Season is the stark reality of reflection. Some of us look forward to it, others avoid it. I think recently I've been doing a lot of things to avoid a comprehensive and realistic assessment of my year.

As I am writing this, I am starting to realise a little more about my recent behavior. I've been really stuck on the tweaking & fiddling with this blog site - part of which I reckon comes from my desire to have some kind of control over my abilities & creativity. PhD writing has been jettisoned for the time being - it really hasn't sustained the fulfillment my ego - and I can't really see what will shake me out of it for the time being.

I do have a number of concerns I am milling about right now. The next three months is going to be one of the most intense periods I've experienced recently. The culmination of the past 5 years of PhD research will clash with my (still potential but likely) position with GE in Shanghai. Coupled with this is my strong relationship with LindaE. These potential changes are really going to affect our relationship. People say that the most stressful events people can experience in their (normal) lives is (1) moving, (2) starting a new career/, and (3) experiencing a death of a close friend/family member. Well, forget the latter, but concentrating on the former, these are two strong paths that will cause a lot of flux for me in the imminent future.

Uncertainty isn't something I have dealt well with lately. It is time for some clear decisions & then to ride it out. I just wish I could give some due consideration to these events right now. I do feel as though I am coasting through this writing period without any focus except for 'the writing' (however mediocre it is).

This frustration is really starting to bite. Knowing that you're capable of more than what you are doing is tough whenever it occurs - but right now with these pressing matters - it has really started to come to a head.

The more I deliberate, the more time I lose. Man, I need a kick in the pants to get me moving. Anyone?!

Maybe after Christmas cake then...

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