To give you more of a background, I am a research PhD student, researching biofilms/slimes in large industrial cooling water systems. A nice project when designed, aimed to try & stop slimes from growing in these systems as they decrease performance, and could also be a potential health hazard. However, six months after commencement of my portion of the project, my industry sponsors canned their end of the deal.

Mind you, they still wanted the work of 2.5 people done by me, otherwise losing my stipend + sponsorship.

When coupled by a supervisor who washed her hands of me, I'm super frustrated. Depression kicked in 2 years ago, which I am just coming to terms with. Luckily I've got good friends + family to count on, but living on next to nothing for so long has really grinded down confidence in my own ability, & my will to finish this project. I got by on 3.5 years of hard work, but I see know it was really an ostrich-in-the-sand avoidance of the real problems I was facing.

I'm moving into the angry stage at the moment. Trying to keep a lid on it, but its not really a long term solution. Timmy want to SMASH stuff. Good thing the gym is on campus. I just had coffee with my friends A&K. When asked by a post-grad advisor in the school why I hadn't submitted, I gave her my tale of woe. A&K said they didn't realise how bitter I was about this whole thing until hearing that. I hope that isn't the person I have become.

I've been staring at a computer screen for almost 3 weeks now, and nothing coming out of it. I'm really gummed up when it comes to this. Complaining isn't the solution, just writing. Where is that elusive motivation...?

And really, all this came down from choosing a dud project 5 years ago... scary.